september 24

I am the crazy ex girlfriend.
although, not to my most recent ex boyfriend.
not to any ex boyfriend, actually.
to someone i've never even been with.

all this time, i've been denying and denying and denying everything.
and i've 'moved on' and forgotten.

of course I haven't forgotten.
I don't think I ever will.
Years from now, it might fade [if things continue to stay the way they are now- no change], but I won't ever forget it.
or rather, him.
but I really can't get over him.
or it,
the situation.
I'm still hella bummed.
and even though i put up this front
like.. 'oh, who's that?'
'idk anyone named that.'
'i don't care about anything he does'
'HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED.'

all that is is a front.
because it's easier to pretend that i'm over it than to bore everyone with the reasons as to why I'm not.
or rather, going on and on about why I don't know why I'm not.
why I haven't moved on.

not talking to someone you really want to talk to is difficult, let me tell you!
especially me.

and it killed me when i read something along the lines of.. the thing that attracts him to a girl is her laugh.
damnit damnit damnit.

i'd like to go back to november of last year.
maybe october.
life was better back then.

much better.
the best part was that I didn't feel like a fool for STILL holding onto something that has obviously left.